No Frills.

This is a post I've thought about doing the last couple of days... when life seemed like it was pure hell for me. And then the unexpected happened. It GoT wOrSe.

Is that possible? Of course. I often say the cliche phrase "when it rains it pours." I guarantee you those kinds 0f phrases aren't made up just b/c someone thinks they sound cute. No, it's based on the fact that it happens. And it happens to me.

Life is sailing along just fine when the *crap* hits the fan. ThAt WaS tHiS wEeK fOr Me.

Before I begin I will put out my disclaimer that this post is purely for me to remember this week and not for *you*. You are welcome to read it, but it has no frills and is VERY long. That is how I write. Full detail. But that is also how I remember a specific story and I didn't want to forget this one. That being said, read on. If you dare. And if you don't, I won't be offended.

It all began Monday when Kolea was running a fever of 103.8. Since we've moved here she's been getting these "phantom" fevers that come and go with no other symptoms- and they are really high like this one. A few months back I took her to the ER with a 104.7 temp. They told me she was fine.

Anyhow I was thinking this was another isolated attack when Gabriella woke up with a fever on Tuesday. I don't even bother to take their temperatures most time time- I can just *tell* when they are REALLY hot. Tuesday afternoon, our friends (also neighbors) told us that their 4 yr old was at the doctor that day for her Kindergarten visit and was told that she had a slight case of tonsillitis. PS- Gabriella as if on cue began complaining about her throat hurting. No, she does NOT know what the word "tonsillitis" means.

The entire day on Tuesday was spent holding and juggling two hot, sick little girls.

Wednesday we went to the doctor. Yay! We got in early and learned that Gabriella *probably* has strep throat. We will find out "for sure" tomorrow (Friday.) They gave us antibiotics anyway b/c they said it looked soooo bad in her throat. As for Kolea, her throat was red, but not that red. Her ears (which she'd been tugging on) had a *little* bit of fluid but nothing to be alarmed about. As for her fever... who knows? So they couldn't tell me anything or help me with her. Nice.

Between the Tylenol and Motrin, the girls seemed to be surviving and I attempted to do some shopping at Target where we picked up Gabriella's prescription. We got home- they took naps on the hour + drive home (I told you I live in the country!) And we were thinking that things were looking up!!

Ryan and Hunter made a run to the dump to get rid of all the excess boxes that had been littering our porch for the last week- from unpacking. And the girls seemed to be playing around outside just fine. Yes! I sat in a chair (outside near the girls) to relax for a few precious moments w/o them needing to fight for space in my lap... which is gradually getting smaller with my ever growing belly. AnD tHeN iT hApPeNeD.

I don't recall hearing a crash- but there must have been one and I've since blocked it out b/c of the stress of it all. So there must have been a crash and I heard Kolea scream. Any mother that knows her child well can determine ANY type of cry that comes from that child. Is the child annoyed? Sad? Scared? HURT? My baby was hurt. I was only about 12 feet from her but she was around the corner of the house so I couldn't see her. Gabriella stood right in my path holding a broom perpendicularly as if she was TRYING to close line me. I literally slammed into her, picking her up under her arms at the same time and *threw* her out of my way (BTW she- Gabriella, was just fine, just a little stunned.) I'd NeVeR in all my life heard any of my children cry this way. The way I was hearing Kolea cry- and I felt like I couldn't get there fast enough even though I was in an all out sprint and only 12 feet away.

I rounded the corner and saw her. Crumpled in a little ball. Face down. Legs and arms tucked up underneath her. She was in the fetal position and I couldn't imagine what the problem was until I saw it. Next to her lie a HUGE (heavy and long) 4x4 beam with heavy rusted metal prongs on one end. It wasn't touching her but was laying on top of half of her blanket which could've meant only one thing. It MuSt HaVe FaLlEn On HeR.

I scooped her up in my arms, trying to be careful since I didn't know where she was hurt. I tried to pull her blanket out from under the beam but it was REALLY, really heavy. I couldn't believe when it didn't come on my first couple of pulls. Finally I put some muscle into it to dislodge the blanket (knowing that it would help soothe Kolea- otherwise I would've left it till later) when the jerking motion picked up the beam just enough to have it come crashing down on my pinky toe. Oh my gosh. Let me just die now. And have I mentioned that two out of the three times I've given birth I did so w/o out any pain meds? I know I am strong. And I can handle pain. But this was the last straw.

I ran into the house to examine my screaming baby. Gabriella is following in tears and I lose it. My own little, insignificant toe is on FIRE from the stupid beam, the stress of the last few days with sick children comes full throttle at me in a rush of despair and I begin to bawl.

I see a 4 inch scrape that is slightly bleeding on Kolea's right leg (keep in mind she's only 20 months so this takes up half of her thigh.) That isn't what concerned me. It was her right foot. It's been smashed. At least that is what it looks like to me. The only thing I can think to do - and that she'd be able to stand is to run COLD water over it to keep it from totally swelling into a marshmallow. It's already shades of blue, green and purple. And there was a slight puncture on the bottom of her foot. The bruising pattern doesn't even make sense b/c the top left of her foot and the bottom right are what was hurt. How does that even happen?

I just prayed. I prayed and I prayed to God that He would be merciful. That He would take away all of this pain, knowing that He could. My baby doesn't understand pain like this. It's not like you can reason with them and say "OK, something fell really hard on your foot and now it's going to hurt for a bit until your body makes it all better." No, there is nothing to do but to hold your screaming child and pray for some type of reprieve.

I phoned Ryan. Bawled all the way through our short conversation. He got the point that he needed to be home. I needed his help to determine if we should take her to the ER or not. I didn't know if it was broken or just badly bruised. Ryan got home and we decided to keep her home for the time being. I played "This little piggy..." with her toes in an attempt to move them (the corresponding bones) and see if it caused pain. She seemed to be able to tolerate it w/o too much discomfort. Good.

I held her. Just sat on the luv sac and tried to do all I could to make her comfortable- which wasn't much b/c I'm sure her foot throbbed. I'd already forced Motrin down her throat (she's not into taking medicine these days) and I had a baggie full of ice that I gently rested on her foot (with a towel around it) as she could tolerate the cold. Again, she doesn't understand. There is no reasoning with a 20 month old to explain WHY you need to keep ice on a wound such as this! So we did the best we could.

I asked Ryan to give her a blessing. He told me he already had a couple of days ago. I mentioned that was for her fever. This would be for her foot. To ease the pain, help her relax and bless her that it was not broken. He of course did this. I am so grateful to be married to a worthy Priesthood holder. A man that doesn't have to think twice about whether or not he is worthy to act in the name of God and give a blessing to a baby in need. It is a real blessing in our family life and I have FAITH that according to the Lord's will we can be healed of our ailments. There was a peace that lingered after his blessing of healing that he pronounced on Kolea.

We sat in the luv sac for a while and I read to the kids. Kolea would periodically grab her foot and cry b/c of pain. It was very tender. She got restless and wanted to get down and walk. She attempted and failed. She could not walk.

The rest of the afternoon was slow. I know the blessing she was given made a HUGE difference in her demeanor. She wanted to be with the big kids outside so she sat in a little camping chair with her foot tucked in and interacted with the kids as they played around her. Hunter and Gabriella were so cute with her and would carry her wherever she wanted to go. But mostly she just wanted to sit in that chair and laugh along with them. My heart went out to her. A couple of time she attempted walking and was unsuccessful. It was too painful. I still wasn't convinced that it wasn't broken.

Later in the evening I saw her being to put a little pressure on her foot. She went to bed early and slept solid all through the night (unlike the previous couple of nights.) She was spent. Today she seemed much better. Her foot is very, very bruised and ugly. I will have to take a picture of it tomorrow (seeing as she's been in bed for two hours already.) She is walking on it now. Sometimes with a limp - the saddest thing ever- but she is walking. That is what she wants to do. I'm convinced that it's NOT broken and all due to the blessing she received.

Kolea is a very HAPPY child. She does all she can to enjoy life. As I remember her lying in the fetal position in more pain than she'd ever felt before- more pain than any child should every experience, I am sickened by the thought. And this is from a smashed foot! Imagine those that go through even more. I think of the children all over the world that are in pain. Little children. Babies. Especially in places like, Chile and Haiti. Places where they have had natural disasters and these little children are in such GREAT physical pain- not to mention emotional pain as they don't understand what is going on around them. Or why these things are happening. Why do they happen? I don't know. Why do they suffer? What does it teach us? I know that I'm having a "slap in the face" lesson about compassion and caring for others. Or rather BeInG aWaRe Of OtHeRs. Their struggles and their hurts. Also, counting my blessing.

Funny enough that at the beginning of this week I began praying that I would be a happier person. I felt like I'd had a pretty rough month with rolling my ankle and then having to deal with it (read: crutches) through packing a moving an entire household. It's been stressful and I haven't been very happy, just stressed. So I began to pray for happiness. And you know what? It worked!! I've been much happier this week even though all of these stressful things were going on. And I've found myself counting my blessings. Trying to look at the positive or imagine how a situation *could've been* worse- which made me grateful for the situation I had!

I know that Heavenly Father looks out for us and He teaches us different things at different times in our lives. Sometimes (unfortunately) other people are effected adversely to teach US something. That beam didn't HAVE to fall on Koela's foot. God could've made it stay on that little ledge on the wall- or have her move away before it fell. He is all powerful, all knowing. But there was something for me to learn. Not even Ryan. Me. I still ache for my baby. For the pain she felt and experienced. It was an accident. It wasn't something that she "brought on" herself as often trials are. It just happened. And things like that "just happen" to different people (no matter age) every day.

What really got me on the computer tonight was the fire engine practically outside my front door. Something happened to someone across the street tonight. I don't know what happened but it couldn't have been good. But that person is a child of God. I will pray for that person tonight. Just like I'll pray for my children. And the children all over the world. This may seem like a cheesy post- but I didn't write it for you. This is for me. This is my journal. I want to remember how I felt at this time. It's not often that you hear about the really crappy days. It's the pictures in the photo albums of the fun times that get you from one event to the next. It's not like you see the picture of that day when you felt depressed. The day when your sick children have draped themselves over you and are crying simultaneously. Who documents stuff like that?? But those days are important too. They help us count our blessings, as I am doing today.

I didn't want this post to be picture-less so I put the picture of the first place we saw (and learned) of the name, Kolea. This is on the Big Island in Waikoloa Villiage. The place was called the Kolea condos. The Kolea bird is Hawaii's Golden Plover. It's a powerful little bird that flies each year between Alaska and Hawaii. If you know your geography there is not a single place between those points in the Pacific ocean for a bird to land. It flies straight through. It is a bit of a miracle.

My cute, sweet, happy baby, KOLEA.

PS- As a funny ending to all of this madness (well, funny is relative) Ryan phoned me at noon today telling me that he'd probably have to fly to L.A. tonight with his friend Axle. They are starting up a Taco business here and need to go look at trucks. You know the "Roach Coach?" Yep. That'll be them. Anyhow, he said it wasn't a for sure thing. At 4:30 this afternoon it became a "for sure" thing. They left for the airport by 6 pm which meant that I missed out on my girls night of going to my friend's baby shower. (I tried getting a babysitter- but unless there is a student here that can drive herself over- it doesn't happen. And I only know ONE girl like that- she couldn't come.) And not five minutes later Hunter was telling me that he was cold and didn't feel well- his throat hurt. Yep. Fever. Well WTF?

Like I said "WhEn It RaInS, iT pOuRs!"

At least now that I've done all of my crying... I'm now laughing. What else have I got?